"As the name [Google Instant] suggests, this all happens instantly. It’s the internet on fast-forward, and it’s aggressive - like trying to order from a waiter who keeps finishing your sentences while ramming spoonfuls of what he thinks you want directly into your mouth, so you can’t even enjoy your blancmange without chewing a gobful of black pudding first."
"Anyway, God knows what they were thinking when they made this. I mean seriously, I mean who the Hell’s going to tune in to see some unattractive, increasingly paunchy and irrelevant TV presenter just sitting around on his own in his house just talking and talking and talking and-… Oh…"
— Charlie Brooker, Screenwipe
"28 years ago, Doctor Who was king. Tom Baker was twice as popular as Jesus Christ and just about the only people who didn’t tune in were demented clock-fans, infuriated by his constant meddling with time."
— Charlie Brooker on the doctor who relaunch
Then Marvel Avengers Assemble 3D began. Some scientists were worried about a glowing blue cube they kept underground, so Samuel L Jackson had turned up to make things easier by shouting at them. Then the cube went bonkers and spat out a bad guy called Loki, who looks like a cross between Withnail and the sort of grinning pervert who’d have sex with a fistful of Mattesson’s liver pate in the window of an apartment overlooking a hospice bus stop. Then some vehicles raced around and everything blew up.
Then Samuel L Jackson gathered some superheroes together on a sort of impossible flying aircraft carrier, and they spent some time mocking each other’s costumes in a post-modern fashion before Loki’s henchmen arrived and everything blew up again. Then they all went to New York and some aliens in hovering chariots flew through a hole in the sky and everything blew up for the third and final time. And then, because the Avengers had won, the film decided to end.
— Charlie Brooker, on Avengers Assemble
"Now the country is ruined. I miss the traditional British way of life, you know, before we had the Bulgarians and the Romanians. And the Polish and the Russians and the Australians, and the Kurdish and the Turkish, and the Bengali’s and the Pakistani’s, and the Indians and the West Indians, and the Africans and the Huguenots, and the Jews and the Normans and the Vikings, and the Angles and Saxons, and the Romans and the Jutes, and those bloody Celts who were first in the door, the fucking idiots! It’s been downhill ever since."
— Charlie Brooker