"The other issue— and this is often a problem when I meet new people— they somehow don’t realize that I am funny. And I think if you don’t know that coming in then the things I say seem to be a bit odd or aggressive, and I have to say to them, ‘Oh no, don’t worry, I’m professionally funny.’"
— Numb: Simon Amstell Live from the BBC ( X )
(Source: tendiffsortsofvaguelyposhanimal, via colourfulmotion)
"I went up to him and said ‘you look a lot like Jared Leto! Do you know who Jared Leto is?’ and he said ‘I am Jared Leto’. I wasn’t ready for that. So all I could manage to say was ‘your beauty in Requiem For A Dream detracted from the narrative.’"
— Simon Amstell (via amnesiac1331)s (via punkslovepoints)
(Source: woundedbydust1331, via punkslovepoints)
try to close someone’s eyes like a corpse when you’re bored of talking to them
(Source: meladoodle, via starbuckara)
"All these separate flags. If you’re going to have a flag, have a flag of a vagina, so then you could meet people and go, “Oh, hi, where are you from?” “Oh, same as me. Let’s be friends. How was peace finally achieved? The introduction of the vagina flag."
— Simon Amstell (via simonamstelll)
(Source: not-simonamstell, via colourfulmotion)